I am egoistic
I was born in a roman catholic family. Even the day that I gained awareness and knowledge, I knew the name of Jesus, God, Mama Mary and some of the numerous saints. I even filled out my blank paper of education in a catholic school and joined a campus youth ministry to strengthen my faith. But that faith was built with only one purpose; to let my other schoolmate view me as different, religious and popular.
I felt good every time I share the word of God to my friends but deeper within me is a building self-pride. I felt good every time my schoolmate would treat me as if their praising me on the things I say.
Sounds weird right? Nevertheless it is egoistic.
Eventually the faith I built, which was fragile, were gone in just one swipe when I entered college. My point of view in life pivoted in another way when I submerged myself into philosophical means. I only focused to myself and even believed that only myself can create a future of my own. I always aimed for being on top and always on the top. Fortunately, I always topped the most difficult exams in college. There was also an incident wherein I came late for an exam but after the results were released, I still defended my crown. I even prayed for God to defeat the other performing students in college to gain honor and to remain my scholarship. I once also became the second most powerful student in college which elevated my esteem, pride and even the size of my head.
As we reached our graduation and faced our final examination, I had this plan of not reviewing for this exam and to show to my colleagues that I'm the most intelligent student in campus; not needing of any form of review and relying only to stock knowledge. But God suddenly made an intrusion in my plans. He entered and ruined everything!
God's Intrusion
My body became weak a few days before the examination. I was rushed to the hospital. From the ER department the doctor immediately hydrated my system through intravenous therapy, as I was moderately dehydrated during that time. The doctor suspected that I'm having viral exanthem, which was measles. With this happening, I felt frustrated. I blamed God for the disease He had given me. How can I prove to my colleagues that I'm still worth defending my crown? But I ended up nothing and weak. I stayed in the hospital for 4 days.
As I went back for our graduation, I saw the list of test-takers of the final exam arranged from rank 1 to rank 420. My name was printed on rank 420 with a score of zero!
Still, I received a latin honor for a job well done of 4 years in college. I also passed the licensure exam for nurses a few months after graduation. But God keeps on intruding and ruining my plans because my pride were still intact after the first intrusion.
My family faced a sudden financial crisis after the company, where my father is working, was closed in public. I still kept on thinking of my own capabilities that I can solve this problem on my own. I ventured myself to easy money strategies having a limelight of hope for a greener pasture. Yet, God still won the fight. I failed and I quit.
Racing the White Flag
One cozy afternoon, a friend of mine invited me in a bible study in Victory Metroeast. Without any hesitation, I accepted her invitation. It's been years since the last time I attended a bible study. That bible study turned out to be a Sunday Service. The topic during that service is all about idols in our heart.
The pastor defined an idol as "anything which replaces Jesus in your heart." He gave several examples which pierced my heart.
Money - almost everyone in this world has financial problems. Money can be an idol if you replace Jesus with this temporary piece of metal or paper. Money is not the solution to our problems, it's only a tool to solve your problem temporarily, like paying your utility bills. But once this money is out from your stash, you'll be having problems again.
Career/Academics - it's a virulent word, especially for us nurses. If there's an opportunity, people are like magnets running towards that open opportunity. You keep on saying to yourself that "it's a once in a lifetime opportunity so come and GET IT!" but the real question is, did you already ask Jesus for this? Career is only a temporary thing. You may have it now but as years go by, it may lose.
Same with academics, you may be aiming to be on top but wait a minute. How about the others? You're just focusing on yourself and worse, you're replacing Jesus.
Fame - you maybe popular today but tomorrow will never be the same again if you keep on replacing Jesus with this one.
After mentioning these 'idols in our heart', a tear fell on my eye. I closed my eyes shut and imagined myself as if kneeling on the floor. I've been having a foolish heart for a very long time. Then the pastor said...
"My brothers and sisters, these idols in our hearts were only temporary. You may have it right now and experience limited happiness but once it's already empty, you'll be having problems again. Seeking for the temporary things in life will only give you temporary happiness. If you want to have eternal happiness and a love that is unending, unfailing and infinite. Then SEEK JESUS. Let Jesus enter your heart!
If you're having problems right now, come to Him! Kneel! And tell Him that you are weak, you are nothing, we can't solve our problems without Him. Only Jesus can do it for you, for in Him... Nothing is impossible!"
It's not the pastor who's talking to me during that moment... It was Jesus. After all the intrusions that He had made in my life, I finally realized that all of these intrusions had a great purpose. A purpose of surrendering my life to God!
Luke 5:32 said... "I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance..."
The Extra-Ordinary Life
I'm already living in an extra-ordinary life since I surrendered everything to Jesus! I've been a very rough road but God let me go through that way. Without going through that path I will never know God again. If I keep on being on the top all the time or became rich because of that easy money job, my heart will be continuously filled with pride and egoism. Now that I surrendered my life to God, the achievements that I made are not gained due to my human effort but because of God's unending grace!
Welcome to my newest blog! Let God take charge of this blog as He touches your heart with His powerful love. Join my journey in this place called "an extra-ordinary life"
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
- Jeremiah 29:11
I felt good every time I share the word of God to my friends but deeper within me is a building self-pride. I felt good every time my schoolmate would treat me as if their praising me on the things I say.
Sounds weird right? Nevertheless it is egoistic.
Eventually the faith I built, which was fragile, were gone in just one swipe when I entered college. My point of view in life pivoted in another way when I submerged myself into philosophical means. I only focused to myself and even believed that only myself can create a future of my own. I always aimed for being on top and always on the top. Fortunately, I always topped the most difficult exams in college. There was also an incident wherein I came late for an exam but after the results were released, I still defended my crown. I even prayed for God to defeat the other performing students in college to gain honor and to remain my scholarship. I once also became the second most powerful student in college which elevated my esteem, pride and even the size of my head.
As we reached our graduation and faced our final examination, I had this plan of not reviewing for this exam and to show to my colleagues that I'm the most intelligent student in campus; not needing of any form of review and relying only to stock knowledge. But God suddenly made an intrusion in my plans. He entered and ruined everything!
God's Intrusion
My body became weak a few days before the examination. I was rushed to the hospital. From the ER department the doctor immediately hydrated my system through intravenous therapy, as I was moderately dehydrated during that time. The doctor suspected that I'm having viral exanthem, which was measles. With this happening, I felt frustrated. I blamed God for the disease He had given me. How can I prove to my colleagues that I'm still worth defending my crown? But I ended up nothing and weak. I stayed in the hospital for 4 days.
As I went back for our graduation, I saw the list of test-takers of the final exam arranged from rank 1 to rank 420. My name was printed on rank 420 with a score of zero!
Still, I received a latin honor for a job well done of 4 years in college. I also passed the licensure exam for nurses a few months after graduation. But God keeps on intruding and ruining my plans because my pride were still intact after the first intrusion.
My family faced a sudden financial crisis after the company, where my father is working, was closed in public. I still kept on thinking of my own capabilities that I can solve this problem on my own. I ventured myself to easy money strategies having a limelight of hope for a greener pasture. Yet, God still won the fight. I failed and I quit.
Racing the White Flag
One cozy afternoon, a friend of mine invited me in a bible study in Victory Metroeast. Without any hesitation, I accepted her invitation. It's been years since the last time I attended a bible study. That bible study turned out to be a Sunday Service. The topic during that service is all about idols in our heart.
The pastor defined an idol as "anything which replaces Jesus in your heart." He gave several examples which pierced my heart.
Money - almost everyone in this world has financial problems. Money can be an idol if you replace Jesus with this temporary piece of metal or paper. Money is not the solution to our problems, it's only a tool to solve your problem temporarily, like paying your utility bills. But once this money is out from your stash, you'll be having problems again.
Career/Academics - it's a virulent word, especially for us nurses. If there's an opportunity, people are like magnets running towards that open opportunity. You keep on saying to yourself that "it's a once in a lifetime opportunity so come and GET IT!" but the real question is, did you already ask Jesus for this? Career is only a temporary thing. You may have it now but as years go by, it may lose.
Same with academics, you may be aiming to be on top but wait a minute. How about the others? You're just focusing on yourself and worse, you're replacing Jesus.
Fame - you maybe popular today but tomorrow will never be the same again if you keep on replacing Jesus with this one.
After mentioning these 'idols in our heart', a tear fell on my eye. I closed my eyes shut and imagined myself as if kneeling on the floor. I've been having a foolish heart for a very long time. Then the pastor said...
"My brothers and sisters, these idols in our hearts were only temporary. You may have it right now and experience limited happiness but once it's already empty, you'll be having problems again. Seeking for the temporary things in life will only give you temporary happiness. If you want to have eternal happiness and a love that is unending, unfailing and infinite. Then SEEK JESUS. Let Jesus enter your heart!
If you're having problems right now, come to Him! Kneel! And tell Him that you are weak, you are nothing, we can't solve our problems without Him. Only Jesus can do it for you, for in Him... Nothing is impossible!"
It's not the pastor who's talking to me during that moment... It was Jesus. After all the intrusions that He had made in my life, I finally realized that all of these intrusions had a great purpose. A purpose of surrendering my life to God!
Luke 5:32 said... "I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance..."
The Extra-Ordinary Life
I'm already living in an extra-ordinary life since I surrendered everything to Jesus! I've been a very rough road but God let me go through that way. Without going through that path I will never know God again. If I keep on being on the top all the time or became rich because of that easy money job, my heart will be continuously filled with pride and egoism. Now that I surrendered my life to God, the achievements that I made are not gained due to my human effort but because of God's unending grace!
Welcome to my newest blog! Let God take charge of this blog as He touches your heart with His powerful love. Join my journey in this place called "an extra-ordinary life"
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
- Jeremiah 29:11
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